Any situation that causes dissatisfaction will require change if you desire a different life. That’s obvious or is it? If unhappiness were the only factor involved, then no one would put on weight and take it off more than once or quit smoking again and again. A person would look in the mirror, evaluate that her body is overweight and that would be that. Hmmm…doesn’t usually work like that. So, what is the dynamic that goes on that prevents us from reaching our goal and creating abundance?
In one word, Change! Resistance and change go hand in hand. Why is that? Could it be that we really are uninformed about what it will take to change? Fortunately, research has uncovered new understandings about the change process.
The research started with Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, who stumbled upon the concept that change occurs in stages. She was doing ground breaking work within the context of death and dying when she observed similarities in the responses of her patients after they had received terminal diagnoses. Dr. Kubler-Ross created a change model based on this information. It had five stages and was linear and somewhat rigid, issues she would later be called on.
Understand that no one else had published this kind of research. Once her change model was brought to the attention of her colleagues, objections were identified.
However, let’s start out with the five stages Dr. Kubler-Ross named. They are Denial/Isolation, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Meaning/Acceptance. Instead of looking at how those 5 stages worked for her patients, let’s fast forward to other research and other change models. Significant differences between the old and new change models are new stage names, adding a sixth stage and the idea that the stages are very porous. The new names are Pre-contemplation, Contemplation, Preparation, Action, Maintenance and Termination/Re-entry.
In the context of death and dying, the outcome is understood, but if we apply these new stages to another area of life such as dieting or quitting an addiction, now we have something to work with. Also, we have an new light on the scope of change.
Using the example of dieting is rather easy for us to grasp. We’ve all seen pictures of obese people and possibly asked ourselves the question, “How did they get this way?” The the simple answer, and it really isn’t simple, is that the person was in the first stage of denial/pre-contemplation. He is oblivious to his situation. Let me be blunt, he was not able to see his body realistically and identify that a problem exists.
Once he wakes up to the circumstance, he enters the contemplation stage, which means there is awareness. With awareness he can now make a plan. With a plan, action can be taken which eventually leads to maintenance and lastly termination. The last stage has a double name. Not only is it termination, it is also re-entry because at times termination doesn’t stick. What if he couldn’t do the maintenance stage? Now he has reentered the process.
There are all kinds of possibilities. Maybe, the first obstacle was getting out of the contemplation stage and making the preparations. Now you’re beginning to see the nuances and how we, the universal we, often get tripped up.
The value of this research really is important on two fronts. First, we go into change prepared with the knowledge to decide what stage we’re in, if we’re honest, really honest with ourselves. Secondly, we do not have to berate ourselves if we find ourselves going through the stages a numerous times.
The next time you begin to make a positive change, you will have an advantage! Enjoy the process.
